I have loads of emails waiting to be read and responded to, reviews that need to be done, mount everest of clothing waiting to be washed, toys scattered all throughout my home, my mother is calling to check up on me and my dear husband is working overtime again tonight thanks to quarter end.
Where's the pause button when I need it?
So, this may not sound any different to many mother's out there as this is something that is very common but let me explain a little more about myself.
A previous HR Professional and then Business Owner, my life turned upside down when I discovered I had PCOS whilst trying to conceive our first child. The demands of my job mixed with my physical and emotional stress of battling PCOS and infertility, drove me to tears and close to a breakdown. A breakdown at 25 years old. Yes, I was only 25. A baby to most.
What was so wrong with wanting to start a family at a young age?
In this day and age where career is number one, I was considered a dying breed. The odd one out.
So, did I get as much of the support that I needed at this rough stage in my life? No. Unfortunately not.
When my husband and I discovered I was pregnant, I was on top of the world. One of the happiest moments in my life. The pregnancy was easier than I had expected (with the exception of the first trimester - daily progesterone supplements, bed rest...). In October of 2008 on beautiful crisp morning (with an unexpected first light snowfall of the year), our 6lb, 15oz beautiful little miracle came into this earth.
So here we are.
On top of my chaotic life as a stay at home mom trying to pursue my dreams of publishing a novel and eventually opening my own Parisian-style bistro cafe/bookstore, I am constantly dreaming of just packing everything up and moving to Paris. You see, I left a part of me there a few months ago when I visited.
You know when you go to a new part of the world and just feel that this is the place you should be? That.
You want to know something else different about me? I see dead people.
Okay well, not really "dead people" per se, but I have a very strong sensitivity. Some call it a sixth sense.
This was handed down by the women in my mom's side of the family.
I hated it growing up, but have learned to appreciate it and live peacefully with it.
Believe it or not, there are plenty of people in this world that have this gift, but just don't like to admit it in fear that they will be judged or considered coo-coo.
My first experience was when I was a year and half and I seen my grandfather who had passed away 2 weeks before I was to meet him for the first time. He was eager to meet me, bought me the biggest teddy bear and bragged constantly about me to his friends & colleagues.
My father & him were involved in a terrible car crash one rainy morning on their way to work. This also explains one reason why I have a phobia of driving or being driven in a vehicle during horrendous weather conditions. My father thankfully survived but my grandpa didn't. :(
I'm glad he came to visit me that night. The night of his funeral. I was in the other side of the world with my mom at the time. He came to say hello and goodbye.
My mom was the one to tell me this story when I got older.
Along the years, I've met and seen many different spirit's of those I know and some I don't. And no, I don't see or feel something all the time. It all depends on where I am.
I'm still learning to live with it, each day that passes. You know those movies you see that make you jump? Remove the eerie background music and there you have it.
Okay, so sorry if I frightened you off there a bit. Didn't mean to. I just thought you'd like to know something a little more unique about me.
As I write this right now, I have a cup of coffee beside me and my daughter is playing tea party in the next room with her copious amount of teddy bear's and doll's.
*sigh*
It's these simple pleasures that I have learned to appreciate: Coffee, writing (typing), a long bath... perfection.
My life may not be very exciting, and I may not always have something worth reading. But during your moments of simple pleasures, I hope that you will join me... here... during mine.
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